Tuesday, October 13, 2009

positive thinking?

So I was emailing a friend of mine (the one that is currently pregnant, after only two months of trying) today. She has been pretty supportive throughout all of our infertility struggles in the past year...up til now. She was asking what comes next for us, so I told her the process for IVF and what we may decide depending on the outcome of D's urology appointment. I also mentioned how I was trying to get my head around the possibility of not having children ever. IVF isn't a 100% guarantee, so I sort of have the back-up plan in my head: travel, sleeping in, eating out, no babysitters necessary, etc. Her response didn't sit well with me. I know she was trying to be positive and supportive, but telling me that my situation doesn't warrant having a back-up plan yet felt very condescending. We can only afford one cycle of IVF, so if it doesn't work, that's it. I think it just makes good emotional sense to see some benefits to not having kids. Will I be disappointed if IVF doesn't work? Hell, yes. Probably for months. But I'd like to have in the back of my mind, just in case, a silver lining to that devastation. I really want it to work, and I'm sure I'll be all positive and hopeful for that cycle, but I also know that if it doesn't work, I will survive and continue to lead a happy life with my husband. And I think a woman who got pregnant on her second try is never going to understand that.

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