Exercise

I love my BOSU balance trainer.  The workouts are tough, I get super sweaty, and it's really fun.

But the main reason I love it so much is that it seems to have fixed my foot issues.  About two years ago, I was having some major pain in my heels when I woke up in the morning and when I moved from a seated position to walk anywhere (at work or at home).  I went to the doctor afraid that I had a tear in my Achilles tendon.  I did not, just some inflammation, and going from a relaxed position to stretching the tendon when I moved was what was causing the pain.  I was prescribed more frequent stretching, especially right before bed, and I was to take an Aleve every night to help with the inflammation.  This helped, but I still had minor pain when I woke up.  I could at least walk and not shuffle to the bathroom, but it was still noticeable.

A few months ago, I splurged on the BOSU to add some variety to my workouts, and with the first workout, I thought I had wasted my money because my feet hurt so much during the workout: the balls of my feet, my arches, everything.  But I tried another workout a few days later, and my feet hurt less during it, and eventually not at all.  And then I realized that my feet didn't hurt AT ALL when I woke up in the morning.  I think with the strength I have built in the muscles in my feet (that I didn't realize needed strengthening) that any stress I was putting on other muscles and tendons has been relieved.

So when the ball developed a small tear near the base that I couldn't fix, I splurged again and bought another.  Now that the pain is gone, and I know the BOSU helped, there's no way I was going to go without.  And we will be going to San Francisco in a couple weeks, and I can't wait to be able to actually walk around a lot without having to suck it up and deal with pain during it.  So I have a few BOSU workouts scheduled for myself in the next couple of weeks to make sure of that.

My Lacey Cat

May 25, 1998 - April 11, 2013

Lacey was diagnosed with acute kidney failure on Tuesday.  We decided not to put her through a bunch of treatment at her age.  So I've been cuddling her like crazy, and we are about to go to the vet's to put her to sleep.  She's been my little rock during lots of hard times, and I am going to miss her.

It's been a while

Time has flown by.  The school year is 3/4 of the way done; our summer "we don't have kids" trip is planned (just need to actually book it).  This year is San Francisco, and we have a lot of things we want to do, so it's looking to be a full five days of activity.  The only things we haven't looked into yet are restaurants.

I'm doing really well with the no kids things...even back to where I used to be that I can think a kid is cute and want to play with him or her.  I still have some dark days where I feel left out, but those are very few now.  I have a friend who is currently pregnant, and I'm so excited for her.  So far, there hasn't been any awkwardness and she hadn't stopped sharing details with me.  That has happened in the past, and I'm still not sure how it could have been avoided.

I'm starting to come out of my hermit hibernation.  Someone said something in a post recently about expecting bad comments from people.  I think that's what I was doing, and I thought that if I stayed home, I could avoid them.  While this is true, I was also avoiding a lot of fun activities.  So one of my new years' resolutions was to socialize more.  I'm still VERY content to stay home, but I'm forcing myself to go out.  And it's been pretty good so far.  I've come a long way so that I don't expect there to be awkward moments anymore, and there really haven't been any.  Of course, I've grown a thicker skin since then, so that may be part of it.  And I still avoid the people who I found to be not quite so supportive during my time of need, even though I realize now that I share some of the blame for not asking for what I needed.

I feel like I am making progress; I just hope that other people can see it too.

trust falls

We had an outside-of-the-norm teacher in-service today: we went on a 6 hour retreat, and did all sorts of team-building exercises, including trust falls.  It was a great day, and I am proud of myself for being a team player and participating in all the group activities.

One moment stands out that had nothing to do with the planned activities.  I was joking with a co-worker at the beginning of the day, saying I hoped we weren't going to have to do some stupid ice-breaker where we tell something "interesting" about ourselves.  He made some joke about what he would say (something fairly personal that would be sort of awkward for others to know), so I said that I would say "my husband and I are infertile."  He was super shocked that I said that, and was all "Oh my god!!!"  Even though he already knows this fact.  It just seems so crazy how awkward that word makes people feel. 

"annual" exam

After making excuses and putting it off, I finally made an appointment for my annual gyno exam!  I'm quite proud of myself.  The last time I was probed in any way was our IVF in February 2010.  The following summer should have been the time for my annual, but I decided I had been probed recently enough that I didn't need to schedule it.  Then the school year started, so I put it off again, thinking how hard it is to schedule an appointment for the late afternoon so that I don't have to miss any classes.  Then the next summer was spent writing new curriculum, so I avoided making the appointment again.  And then this school year started, so I fell back on the same "difficult to make an appointment" excuse...even though I didn't try, so I didn't REALLY know if that was true for the doctor I had chosen.  And now I am in the final week of the school year, so I took a break from grading and set up the appointment for over the summer when I have very few scheduling conflicts. 

The doctor I chose is a man that one of my friends recommended almost three years ago.  We had just started going to the fertility clinic, so I was not in need of a regular gyno yet, but his office is only a mile from my house, so his name has been in my head since then.  I was also leaning toward going to a male doctor this time because then I never have to deal with my gynecologist being pregnant.  I used to be reluctant to have a male gynecologist (didn't have a good experience at my very first exam, and that was with a man), but after all the infertility treatments, I know I can handle pretty much anyone poking around down there...as long as they know what they are doing. 

And I'm looking forward to asking what they hell is going on that I now have PMS twice a cycle.  I'm going to ask if I need to have my hormone levels checked or something.  It's not for another three weeks, but the appointment is made, and I won't cancel.

"It's OK if a Crazy Person Hates You"

Someone posted this from an article the other day.  These words are so true.  I've learned over the years that when someone decides they hate me for no apparent reason, I just let it go.  There's no arguing logically with a crazy person.  I've tried, and it never helps the situation.  The best bet is to let it blow over, and if it doesn't, did I really want them in my life?  And did I really want the people they influence to join them in hating me in my life?  Probably not.

I think this is part of my "shrug it off" attitude to most things.  Work-related politics, things I can't control, someone who judges me for not having kids....I just shrug it off.

I am pretty happy in my current life, and I've realized that I am very happy when I don't let other people's opinions undermine my own.

Follow Up

one of the friends i mentioned in my last post reached out to me.  in a nutshell, she thought i did not want to hear about her baby; i thought she did not want to tell me.  so i think we have cleared the air and can move forward.  we are in sort of a transition phase right now, but i am hopeful that, if we both put in some effort, that we can maintain our friendship.  so that is good news.  also, i need to learn to speak up when things are bothering me instead of assuming it will be a bother to the other person.  please forgive the non capitalization and lack of alternate punctuation...i am posting from my phone and apparently blogger has limited functions through this device.