Sunday, April 25, 2010

mojitos and other random thoughts

My husband and I make our own mojitos and they are fantastic. Steeped mint, freshly squeezed limes, etc. My in-laws only seem to remember that we LIKE mojitos, and so every time they see any mojito mixers on sale, they buy it for us. Then they call D like it's this great thing that they've done for us. Sure we do like them, but we like OURS. So now we are getting a fucking bucket of mojito mix that we don't want. Can we donate that to the food pantry? :)

I was thinking about the movie (and book, I suppose) He's Just Not That Into You, and realized that all the helpful comments that are given to women by other women ("I know this one guy who proposed after seven years," etc) are very similar to the helpful comments fertiles give to infertiles ("I know this one couple that couldn't get pregnant, and once they stopped trying...."). It makes me wonder if this kind of thing happens in all circumstances of life.

I recently read the book Silent Sorority, and it is amazing. It is tremendously helpful as we navigate the tricky path of living without children after going through infertility treatments. In one part it mentions how the author was raised to include other people in the conversation, so any conversation that excludes anyone should be limited. And of course, most parents do not do that. It made me think of my co-workers and not-so-close friends. They talk about football or other sports or their kids almost constantly, never taking in to consideration that some of those around them aren't interested or have nothing to add or get out of the conversation. Apparently, it is now more common that if the majority of the group is included, that is enough.

And there is this one "friend" that I have on Facebook. She knows about mine and D's new path in life, and her response to my message to her about it was "I have a friend who also did IVF, and on their last transfer it finally worked! Stay positive." Um, did you even read the message I sent you? We already HAD our last chance and it didn't work. Unless, maybe she has an extra $12,000 that she wants to give us? She is also one who only posts about her kids, or some stupid positive comment like "If you want something bad enough and try hard enough, it will happen." I usually comment back with something like "or if you throw enough money at it." She never comments back.

Update: I just responded to her last message that she sent me where she told me about her friend whose last chance with IVF worked and that I should "keep the faith." I kind of told her that that kind of comment is insensitive and re-explained that I already had my IVF last chance and it didn't work. So telling me to keep the faith is pointless and implies that I didn't think positively enough during the cycle. I feel all sorts of empowered now. I think Silent Sorority had a bigger impact than I thought. I think I won't be as silent and letting thoughtless comments slide by as much now.

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