Tuesday, March 8, 2011

hope flicker

My period was late this month. It's been pretty regular my entire history of having periods, right on the dot of 28 days or earlier, never late. The only time it's been late was once on clomid, when I had a uterine polyp (three weeks late), and the month after IVF, it came on day 29. In the past year, it's been on day 26 or 27, so this month, day 26 came and went, day 27 came and went, day 28 came and went. By day 28, I started having the split-personality conversation in my head....

sane me: it's coming. I can feel it. should be any day now.

crazy me: what if this is it? we could be pregnant at the same time as our friend who is 3 months now!

sane me: don't be stupid. sure there's a teeny tiny chance that pregnancy could be achieved, but be realistic. it's not happening.

crazy me: but it could!!

sane me: shut it.

Day 29 came, I went to work, got home, got ready to work out, and then my period finally came.

I wasn't sad though, so apparently, in the pie chart that is my brain, "sane me" is definitely more than half.


  1. I don't know if "crazy you" will ever completely go away - but I'm glad that "sane you" is winning. It's good not to be sad.

  2. Thanks for the comment on my blog! :)

    I so totally identify with the sane/crazy conversation every freaking month. I sometimes think hope can be a terrible thing - it keeps us trapped on this merry-go-round of maybe when you just know that the chances are crap... but you can't bring yourself to walk away completely because of course there's always a tiny chance.

    Glad the sane you kept you from being sad. At least that's a small thing to be thankful for.

  3. OMG! I had that exact same conversation with myself two months ago. Same result too.