Thursday, April 7, 2011
only slightly bitter and not at all sad
So my best friend, aside from my sister, is now four months pregnant. She had a miscarriage a year and a half ago after getting pregnant rather quickly, so understandably has been rather paranoid this time. So far everything is going well. They felt comfortable enough to announce it to everyone this week. A lot of our friends use another blogging/networking site, so they each made a post there, and everyone made their congratulations. All expected. What I didn't expect was the girls only post that my friend made telling about the miscarriage (very few people knew about that) and that they had been trying for a year this time to get pregnant again. Again, all things that I knew. What bothered me was the ridiculous amount of support and "I'm sorry that you had to go through that" comments. When I made posts when D and I were trying and going through tests, I got very little support. D and I talked after I read through them all, and made the point that everyone loves the happy ending. So with my friend saying "hey, we struggled, but now we are having a baby" everyone can respond with "oh, that's terrible, but there's going to be a baby!! so happy for you...." With D and me, there's no happy ending in most people's opinions, just the terrible part, so they have nothing to say. Fuck 'em. We're making our own happy ending. And as D put it, "without the poop and the puke." Sort of unrelated, I was noticing the difference between men and women and baby talk. I was sitting at the table by the front door of the school (making sure people check in at the office, you know, protecting the school), and there was a conversation taking place behind me among two women and one man. They were talking about a student at first. But then one of the women started talking about her baby to the other woman, who has a baby about the same age (part of the baby boom of pregnancies last school year), and the guy goes "baby talk...I'm out." and just walked away. The women just laughed it off. My thought was "what the hell? If I did that, I'd probably be labeled a total bitch."
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Hubby and I started a tradition whenever we saw a particularly cute baby/child; we'd turn to each other and say, "Now aren't you glad you don't have to deal with all that baby crap?" Always meant in jest, but it was a way of making us feel a little better about not being parents ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAs for the whole "Baby talk ... I'm out" thingy. I'm tempted to do the same. After all, what else would *I* be able to contribute to the conversation?
It's frustrating, I know. But know that you're not alone when following through your "Plan C."
xoxo
Em
What Em said!
ReplyDeleteOh, wouldn't I just love to say, "I'm outta here" & walk away?? I think your observations here are bang on.
ReplyDeleteI am childless by choice, so I get REALLY bored talking about babies. Last time I went to a baby shower I was asked to bring the guest of honor. Thank God the hostess had a border collie. That dog was no less interested in chasing that Frisbee at the end of 4 hours, than he was at the beginning of the 4 hours. On the way home my pregnant friend said that some of the other women asked about my lack of participation. Her response to them? "Oh, she's just here for the cake." Now I use that line whenever a situation calls for it :O)
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