We are quickly approaching the anniversary of the results of our one failed IVF cycle. The 15th was embryo transfer day, the 23rd, we got the positive beta, and two days later found out the numbers were falling.
We still have the picture of the two transferred embryos hanging on the fridge. It's time to take it down, but I don't want to throw it away. That picture and the one baby shirt we bought (this totally awesome star wars shirt, it's a layered look shirt, thermal long sleeves, millenium falcon t-shirt) when we first started trying are the only things we have to remind us of what we almost had. Maybe it's my pack rat tendencies, but I have a hard time throwing away things that are meaningful to me. I still have the cards that the elementary kids made me when I student taught for one semester (I was originally certified K-12 for math only, so my school had us student-teach one semester in an elementary setting for a couple hours a day, and one semester at the secondary level all day). I'm never going to see those kids again, but the cards are so sweet, and I can still remember most of them. Obviously, our possible babies mean a lot more to me.
So I'm trying to come up with something to do with the picture and the shirt, something to symbolize that we are moving on, but not throwing/giving them away. I couldn't bear to see someone else's baby wearing OUR babies' shirt. I'm leaning toward keepsake box kind of thing, something that we can put the shirt and picture in, and set it on the mantle. It's still a big part of what we wanted from our lives, but we are both getting to a place where we are okay with not getting it. But because it's still a big part of our lives, I want to keep it. Kind of like storing it away in my heart/head, but symbolically.
What do you think?
I completely understand not wanting to get rid of these things, yet needing to do something else with them. Could you get some sort of memory box?
ReplyDeleteGo for it. A memory box, or perhaps a shadow box that you can hang on the wall? (your bedroom, if not the living room)
ReplyDeleteI didn't buy a lot of things during my pregnancy with our daughter, but I have hung onto the things I did buy... and we've accumulated other meaningful keepsakes in the years since then. It was an important part of your life; you shouldn't have to hide it or throw things away to prove that you've "moved on." (Of course, I'm a packrat too, so I would say so...!) ; )
I totally agree with you and previous commenters. We keep an ultrasound photo of each of the babies we miscarried with our Saint icons. It's an Orthodox Christian tradition to have a sort of home altar to pray at, so that's where these are kept in our home. Having a memory box or a shadow box long term makes complete sense.
ReplyDeleteNo, you certainly can't give the shirt to someone else. And you shouldn't throw it or the pictures away. This is all part of your life and your memories. If you want to create something to display, do it. Some people won't like it, but it's not their memory to like or dislike. It's yours, so you can do whatever you choose.
ReplyDeleteI burned everything after my third miscarriage. But, that's just easier for me. All u/s pics, the journal I started for #1, the onesie my stepson bought his new sibling (pg #1). Chucked it in the fire pit. I guess I feel like the gaping holes in my heart will always remind me of what I almost had, and the tangible items just hurt more. I think it's lovely that you want to make a memory box, and speaks volumes of your strength that you can.
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