I survived!

I hosted the baby shower with no issues.  I even started my period two hours before the first guests arrived.  I got a tiny bit sad during the gift opening (I refrained from oohing and aahing over every cute baby item, thinking that if I started letting myself gush over how cute things are, that might break down the wall of emotion), and I left the room to go sit with a different group of friends when the conversation turned to exchanging ultrasound and cervix and labor stories.  Even though I actually could have contributed some ultrasound experiences, I really didn't want to talk about infertility struggles.

Later, I asked my husband if he got sad at all (since the shower was co-ed, he was there during the gift opening too), and he said a little during the gifts, thinking "we'll never need that...or that...or that" but then he thought of what we do have, and then he was better.  Aw!

A year ago I would have been a mess even attending a baby shower, so I'm definitely proud of the progress I've made that I could not only attend one, but actually host it.  This isn't to say that the next time I'm invited to a baby shower that I will definitely go, but I'm not a definite no anymore. 

wish me luck

Today is the day that I host a baby shower.  Yikes. 

Although I am PMSing, and cried a little last night because I felt fat because the band shirt my husband bought me at Warped Tour is too small (even though it's because it's the wrong size...stupid women shirt sizes, I just wish it would have fit), I handled shopping in the baby department Thursday evening very well.  Instead of gushing over how cute everything was, I kept thinking "jesus, this stuff is pricey, and you have to buy more like every few months."  So hopefully, that logic continues today.  We'll see what kind of shape I am in at 7:30 after everyone leaves.